Monday

Ass cracks - they are a blight. And hurt my eyes.


Oh, that the ass crack should be so elegant and well formed
as this. But it's NOT.   People... Just say "no" to crack-age.

I’m tired of looking at teenage ass cracks and underwear.

Tired. So damn tired.

Now that my oldest spawn has entered high school, it seems I find myself staring at this shit more than usual. 

There was a time that I would only have to deal with this 'problem' a handful of times a year. Generally on my rare visits to the cradle of the trend -  The shopping mall.


It didn't seem to matter which shopping mall, all of them were affected, but at least the situation seemed to limit itself to the inhabitant mall rats and not many others.

Now, though, I’m exposed to it every single day...

...and when ass hangs out, it’s like a train wreck – you can’t help but look and look again.  Then look one more time just to make sure what you saw was real. Then deal with the issue that you are contributing to an impromptu pedestrian traffic jam, because you are not alone in your morbid fascination of what is on offer as the owner of the ass in question strides through the tiled mall space looking like a mobile credit-card-swiping machine.

Parents whose teenage girls leave home each morning wearing “hip hugger” or “low rise” jeans that are two sizes too small should be pulled aside and smacked. The simple act of sitting down exposes their backsides to their fellow high school pervs.  God forbid they bend over to pick something up off the floor!  And no, wearing a THONG underneath does not make it a “cute” look.  

It just makes my eyes bleed.

The high school boys are just the opposite.  They wear pants that are too big.  You know the kind that hangs on by a belt underneath their ass crack.  The world DOES NOT want to see your boy panties. No one cares that you wear paisley boxers.  Even if you just lost 100 pounds and want the world to know, the proper thing to do is to hike your jeans up around your waist and fasten your belt on the last hole and walk tall! 

I’m tired of this shit, already.  Listen up, boys and girls! WEAR CLOTHES THAT FIT PROPERLY.  Why is that so hard? 

And parents... 'empowering' your child by allowing them to 'discover their true self' doesn't mean you should foster a relationship that allows for no helpful criticism relating to their wardrobe habits.

Tell them... for the love of everything that is good, and for the sake of my bleeding eyes along with scores of others - TELL THEM.

You'll be doing your child, and the rest of us, a huge favor. 

For adults who indulge in this horrific-look-of-the-season... find a mirror and look in it, would you?

Tamara Hancock is a freelance writer from Texas who dreams of hitting it big some day. But for now, she just pimps others out for money. Also, she complains. A lot. You will find her ranting away at http://www.snarkyheifer.com.


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